Top Ten Hazards of Telling Children’s Stories/Sermons in Church


10. Children can smell fear [they can also see into your soul].

9. They’ve heard it before [put Uncle Arthur to bed and tell your own story].

8. If you’re good, you will do it for all eternity [might as well make up a continuing story ‘cause you will continue until you die].

7. Awkward teenagers who come up alone [unless they are watching a younger child, be concerned].

6. One Kid Wonder [available in small churches, they feel just as awkward as you do up front].

5. Crying and/or Screaming [the only thing more annoying are its parents who are nowhere to be found].

4. You will know if you are boring immediately [and I mean IMMEDIETELY, those conversations they are having in the middle of your story are a tell tale sign].

3. You can’t turn your back to them. EVER [Ever seen a circus?]

2. Some kids answer rhetorical questions [don’t ask anything you don’t want answered in front of an audience].

1. Bogies [a “bogey” is a radar or visual air contact whose identity is unknown; they are also the child whose identity is unknown that likes to wander past your children’s story up on the platform to dance, play instruments, and someone manages to find the only live microphone on stage providing a much better show than you ever could].

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Top Ten Hazards of Telling Children’s Stories/Sermons in Church

  1. Martin Weber

    I think it’s sometimes harder to pull off a really good children’s story than a good sermon, Seth. As you describe, kids give real-time feedback. A skilled storyteller can use that for advantage–or someone not so blessed will treat it as a distraction–even start scolding! In my opinion, the moral should be inherent within the story and not require more than a sentence wrap-up exhortation. And never should the story go more than a few minutes!

    Just some thoughts . . . Thanks for the tips!
    Martin
    Martin

  2. Roscoe Howard

    I had one child come up and rub my head as he welcomed me,the church fell out laughing. I was finished!

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